tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18842224.post113164962195281390..comments2023-04-12T05:06:41.319-07:00Comments on PTSD and Me: ptsd and meGettingBetterhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13051926931303055938noreply@blogger.comBlogger76125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18842224.post-22361103636065277272020-07-11T22:47:48.328-07:002020-07-11T22:47:48.328-07:00It's bullshit to tell people to be sober a yea...It's bullshit to tell people to be sober a year or more before going to PTSD therapy or whatever. Especially if getting sober itself coincides with recovering, or getting in deeper touch with, abuse memories.<br /><br />Per another post of yours, I like Lifering's "cross talk" precisely because that's how group therapy works.Gadflyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13075757287807731373noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18842224.post-88258357531718640402015-09-03T11:41:25.499-07:002015-09-03T11:41:25.499-07:00Thanx maybe now my family will finally see what I&...Thanx maybe now my family will finally see what I've been through. And why I've been a bit messed up.<br />Maybe my kids can forgive me for having some problems of my own because of it.<br />BeRealhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07495459233095817445noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18842224.post-20404040437064326692015-09-03T11:36:00.745-07:002015-09-03T11:36:00.745-07:00I Just Want To Let U Know I Think U R An Amazing P...I Just Want To Let U Know I Think U R An Amazing Person! <br />I want to tell u that I'm here & I plan on staying to read even more. I just now stumbled upon ur blog, I've read 2 inserts on ur blog I've been looking for help with my own PTSD my PTSD comes in bad nightmares, My Nerves, The Stress that I've got from it all is now attacking my own body. People don't have clue as to what I've been living through not even my family I don't talk to anyone about it & I suppose keeping it bottled up since I was a kid always feeling like I must have done something wrong that it was my fault I must have provoked my sister somehow & thats way she would beat on me at night while I was sleeping, she had no problem showing me she hated me, she didn't want me anywhere around her & she let me know that. I always thought it was my fault I must have done something wrong I always tried to please her (we where just 13 months apart we should have been best friends) ever since I can remember she has alway talked mean to me, as adults she's only nice to me when she wants something from me like take care of her kids or help her with her job but once she gets what she wants she turns on me again even now that we r much much older I hear her talking shit behind my back to the family. I end up marrying a narcissist that treats me the same way. After 18 months of research come to find that's what happens to people that are abused as young kids we r always trying to right the wrong that has been done to us so we unconsciously pick a partner that does the same thing in the hopes thats we can change their behavior. IT'S SOOO FUCKED UP <br />Now my body pays the price for all their evilness.BeRealhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07495459233095817445noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18842224.post-10712762443358768222014-10-30T06:47:47.819-07:002014-10-30T06:47:47.819-07:00A, Hang on no matter all the things going on in yo...A, Hang on no matter all the things going on in your mind. The fact you still have feelings is good, though they cause us so much pain. It (pain) is a sign of whatever you've been through, not punishment. You are not alone.<br />Sam<br /><br />To moderator - this is in response to Oct 29 posting written June 2014Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04219588174484114419noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18842224.post-39116512620982136272014-06-18T10:33:00.579-07:002014-06-18T10:33:00.579-07:00Hey,
Thank you so much for writing and for writin...Hey, <br />Thank you so much for writing and for writing so honestly. I have just started a similar journey. I've been to a lot on my own and with councillors to try and 'make myself better'. <br /><br />I particularly appreciate you speaking about seeking sexual encounters as this is something I find myself falling into and being completely ashamed of. I have been referred to receive more 'intensive' therapy (likely EMDR) but the wait is proving harder than I was expecting. And I'm worried I might not be stable enough for the treatment. Being alive almost feels like a way of punishment at the moment. <br /><br />My thoughts clearly jumble. All I really wanted to say was thank you. A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/07282602621122971500noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18842224.post-59294803915044458522013-06-11T15:14:20.920-07:002013-06-11T15:14:20.920-07:00Thank you! I was really afraid I "wrote too m...<br />Thank you! I was really afraid I "wrote too much." Heading to your post now. Gracias, amigo!Catherine Toddhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16106773955427187343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18842224.post-83002457965014693082013-06-11T04:44:21.053-07:002013-06-11T04:44:21.053-07:00Thanks Catherine, you spurred me to actually write...Thanks Catherine, you spurred me to actually write a post because when I responded to the comment I realized I had a little more to say on this. The post is http://ptsdme.blogspot.com/2013/06/betrayal-bonds-and-sex-addiction.htmlGettingBetterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13051926931303055938noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18842224.post-58453770886058663272013-06-09T19:03:31.315-07:002013-06-09T19:03:31.315-07:00And I am celibate and don't have romantic rela...And I am celibate and don't have romantic relationships, but still am betrayed constantly. Probably because I stay in denial or "hoping things will change," when it's clear they don't and they won't. I am exploited so easily it makes me sick, but at the time I always think I am "helping" and "being helped" and I think I am "doing the right thing." It's only later I realize that I was being taken for a ride by lies, deception, procrastination and more. Got to learn to let those kinds of people GO! Far, far away! And I will learn to live in the sun and not listen to their "stories" or excuses or lies anymore. Dear God please show me The Way.Catherine Toddhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16106773955427187343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18842224.post-72983632460376349932013-06-09T19:00:53.296-07:002013-06-09T19:00:53.296-07:00OMG. I scored 25 on this test, too. And I've b...OMG. I scored 25 on this test, too. And I've been "working on myself" for 40+ years. Help!Catherine Toddhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16106773955427187343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18842224.post-26046147766321577832013-06-09T18:57:03.189-07:002013-06-09T18:57:03.189-07:00Thanks... does this link apply to trauma bonds bey...Thanks... does this link apply to trauma bonds beyond sex addiction?Catherine Toddhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16106773955427187343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18842224.post-49996424953499298132013-06-09T18:54:43.484-07:002013-06-09T18:54:43.484-07:00http://www.sexhelp.com/am-i-a-sex-addict/betrayal-...http://www.sexhelp.com/am-i-a-sex-addict/betrayal-bond-indexGettingBetterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13051926931303055938noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18842224.post-14034283309448999412013-06-09T09:31:41.943-07:002013-06-09T09:31:41.943-07:00Where is the link for the "trauma bond" ...Where is the link for the "trauma bond" test?Catherine Toddhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16106773955427187343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18842224.post-68504688648846388612013-06-09T09:29:24.867-07:002013-06-09T09:29:24.867-07:00Anonymous, you wrote: "My biggest fear is dyi...Anonymous, you wrote: "My biggest fear is dying before I overcome what my narcissistic and psychopathic parents did to me. They almost destroyed me."<br /><br />I know exactly how you feel - it's the same for me, except I'm not afraid of dying. I work every single day to overcome the damage that was done to me, and I just hope and pray I will live long enough to see me "whole" before I go! I meditate every day:<br /><br />"The winds of grace blow all the time; all we need do is set our sail." <br /><br />Please show us The Way.<br /><br />Good to see you here, and hope you come back more.Catherine Toddhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16106773955427187343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18842224.post-31884434638640066942013-06-09T00:01:23.574-07:002013-06-09T00:01:23.574-07:00Hey, I'm still around and hope you are too. I...Hey, I'm still around and hope you are too. I was really busy with work and neglected comments for a couple of months, so my apologies for slow posting. I hope that recognition is the first step toward getting help and getting better for you!GettingBetterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13051926931303055938noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18842224.post-47439252604449202572013-04-02T13:14:09.230-07:002013-04-02T13:14:09.230-07:00It's 2013 and I just discovered your site toda...It's 2013 and I just discovered your site today. I am a woman with undiagnosed Complex PTSD.....there is a huge amount of trauma I have lived through, mainly due to a violent and sadistic, psychopathic father. (A true psychopath.)<br /><br />I feel for you. I have emotional flashbacks daily.....often, many times daily. Until I learned about Complex PTSD, I just thought crying every day, being hypervigilant, hating my life, and wanting to die was "normal." Those are the only life experiences I can ever recall having had. Preetty sad, isn't it?<br /><br />I clicked on your link to take the "Trauma Bond" test......I am so dismayed to score a 25. It was suggested if you score above 11, you need therapeutic intervention.<br /><br />My biggest fear is dying before I overcome what my narcissistic and psychopathic parents did to me. They almost destroyed me.<br /><br />I hope you are still around. How is your life now?<br /><br />Thank you so much for sharing. I appreciate your honesty and authenticity. Good luck to you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18842224.post-87439159126237755422012-11-01T11:53:06.624-07:002012-11-01T11:53:06.624-07:00I can relate 100%. I've masturbated myself raw...I can relate 100%. I've masturbated myself raw at times dealing with the abuse from 1st grade. I've also never been treated until I was ~55. happily married. (2) boys through college. (1) daughter-in-law with my first granddaughter on the way and I have some kind of mental episode where I lost all my emotions and left home walking to nowhere. They found me and put my in the mental ward for a week. Then 3 months of halfway program where you are an outpatient and sign in everyday for therapy/group. To make a long sad story short. IT NEVER ENDS. I break down in tears over nothing. A seconds thought and wham I'm back in the dead zone! I can go for weeks, months and even years at best. You just don't know when. Should I get back on meds? I don't know. I just take each day and hope God helps me keep it away!<br />My heart breaks for you man!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18842224.post-30206211888288914652012-09-19T21:07:19.457-07:002012-09-19T21:07:19.457-07:00I'm glad you foind the blog helpful. Anonymit...I'm glad you foind the blog helpful. Anonymity helped me with the courage to put my story "out there." Writing this blog and hearing from others with similar troubles has made me feel less alone in my PTSD, which was a real problem. That some people have found solace or help from the posts and comments actually makes a difference too, giving some purpose to what only seemed senseless while going through it.GettingBetterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13051926931303055938noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18842224.post-31138286027586390002012-08-24T07:29:32.118-07:002012-08-24T07:29:32.118-07:00I am really sorry to hear of all the terrible thin...I am really sorry to hear of all the terrible things that have happened to you throughout your life. With that, I would like to say thank you, thank you for being courageous enough to put all your hardship out there for people to see. That must have taken imense amounts of courage, beyond any I could imagine. But, thank you as well for writing this blog. I myself do not have PTSD but one of my best friends ( one I have had serious feelings for for awhile) does have PTSD. This sight has helped me understand a little what he has been going through. Ive wanted to be there for him, but I really didn't know how to do that.... Until now. I understand a lot then I did when I blindly started looking up what PTSD was and even ways to help him. So, thank you, for helping me become more knowledable on a condition I knew nothing about. I hope you keep posting even after you have gotten through your hardest spells, from what I've read it seems you have a big number of followers, you have definitely have another after today. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18842224.post-79006269909594815832012-02-12T17:06:25.200-08:002012-02-12T17:06:25.200-08:00thanks for the post. i appreciated your insight in...thanks for the post. i appreciated your insight into a.a. i indirectly sought help for my ptsd there. bad idea. they are not psychiatrists.<br />sorry for the tough luck but it <br />helped me to read it. thanks!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18842224.post-59143658409505684272012-02-10T09:04:54.178-08:002012-02-10T09:04:54.178-08:00Gracias, amigo... and here I thought I was the onl...Gracias, amigo... and here I thought I was the only one that had that "slide" in my own backyard! Now I know it's only "there" and can't hurt me or affect me; I CAN "climb down" after sitting quietly at the top and not moving. I CAN "catch myself" in time and never go down it. I CAN live "happily ever after" by staying away from toxic people and toxic situations. And finally, I AM.<br /><br />I AM.<br /><br />I DESERVE TO LIVE and blogs like this one re-inforce and show me it's true.<br /><br />Dear God show us The Way.<br /><br />"The winds of grace blow all the time; all we need do is set our sails."Catherine Toddhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16106773955427187343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18842224.post-2700479407006764402012-02-08T13:32:36.022-08:002012-02-08T13:32:36.022-08:00Catherine,
First of all - Happy Birthday!
I, to...Catherine, <br /><br />First of all - Happy Birthday!<br /><br />I, too, get on the 'suicide slide' at times when the despair from the depression and anxiety become too much.<br /><br />Like you, I had to take care of me (and deal with the feelings of selfishness, which are false to begin with), and I had also to stay away from toxic people, family included.<br /><br />So, I cheer you on - and remind you we're all part of what author Seth Godin calls tribes, depending on our affiliations (for us - the PTSD 'tribe.')<br /><br />Thank you, and the others who post here, for reaching out.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18842224.post-18206786751649592882012-02-01T23:08:20.031-08:002012-02-01T23:08:20.031-08:00Anonymous, I call my PTSD attacks "the suicid...Anonymous, I call my PTSD attacks "the suicide slide." I can feel it coming on, and it's as if I'm at the top of a VERY long narrow and twisting slide, and I have about three seconds to catch my Self. I've somehow climbed up here and found my Self at the top of the spire, and it curves down and around and keeps going and going...<br /><br />If I'm able to stop and catch my breath; take a DEEP breath and curl up inside my blanket or just pull it up over my head while wishing I would die, but hoping and praying that I don't and I keep taking a deep breath whenever I can, somehow someway my angels pull me through.<br /><br />I have those few seconds at the top to do this - to just BREATHE and ASK GOD TO HELP ME - and if I can remember to do this, I am SAVED.<br /><br />If not, it's all over for a few hours or a few days.<br /><br />BUT... I always pull through. I have never in my life actually attempted suicide and could never understand why the idea has been instilled in me so strongly. It's as if a negative seed was planted in my body and all it takes is a monster to feed and water it, and so often I have chosen my monster or agreed to caretake it!<br /><br />I could never understand any of this until I found out about codependency and PTSD. Now I know to pull out all my books that may have been gathering dust on the shelf (thank God they are still there when I need them) and get to reading or doing SOMETHING that will take my mind off the slide into plunging darkness I find myself in.<br /><br />It gets easier every time. I now know there are no rocks to crash into, nor waters to drown in. I have and will always survive, even though it FELT like "touch and go" for most of my life.<br /><br />God protects us all and we know this is true because we are STILL HERE. All we have to do is ask God for help. And our angels do come. They are always there. Our angels, God, our Higher Self, the Divine; whatever we choose to call it and however we choose to find it.<br /><br />"The winds of grace blow all the time; all we need do is set our sails." And ask God to show us The Way.<br /><br />I am so grateful for this blog and for all the people who write here. Looking back over the comments over the years, including my own, I can see how much I have changed and how much things have changed since I found this safe haven so many years ago.<br /><br />The biggest change in my life is I now STAY AWAY from negative people who "trigger me." People who "may not mean it" or may just be mean people, including family members who I WISH I could have a relationship with, but can't and don't...<br /><br />The avoidance of pain and the seeking of pleasure, peace, tranquility is probably the greatest and most productive change I've made in my life. I used to feel guilty about this all the time, but now I know it's a matter of survival. I am not going to kill myself just to let some cruel person have a little fun!<br /><br />I do want to live and I have lived and I will continue to live. I do look forward to the future now, for the first time in my life, and today I turned 62. So it's been a long road but a fruitful one. Ultimately. <br /><br />I am Forever Grateful for this. I never thought I'd make it this far, and here I am in the shining sun... all because I finally decided to start TAKING CARE OF MY SELF. I deserve happiness, peace and tranquility too, and all I have to do is step away those that cause chaos and harm. Just step away and stay away. <br /><br />Dear God, please show us The Way. Amen.Catherine Toddhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16106773955427187343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18842224.post-65223220659700903592011-12-28T09:39:41.834-08:002011-12-28T09:39:41.834-08:00Firstly, thanyou for sharing your story. I too hav...Firstly, thanyou for sharing your story. I too have long term 12 step recovery & share an almost identical history (except that I experienced tramatic bonding to one person rather than sex addiction issues) & have never married or been hospitalised for mental health issues (although I should have been times over. Apparently, I'm 'too functional' on account of my excellent understanding of what I suffer from & the way I am able to coherently articulate this - as if that matters NOT!). I'm posting tonight as I try to manage yet another wave of suicidal ideation. I am 17 year clean & had 4 years clean before that with only a 4 mth period of smoking marijuana in between. I will return to share more but tonight I just want to re-iterate thankyou. I 'll sign off with the though that the shame & guilt is not ours although I note this does not keep my suicidal ideation at bay... Bless you for being so candid. People like me are out & need to hear that we are NOT alone...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18842224.post-4822304385267220902011-11-22T14:24:01.446-08:002011-11-22T14:24:01.446-08:00Nandervane, In NJ there are many therapists traine...Nandervane, In NJ there are many therapists trained in EMDR (see emdr.com). Also U can check thepositivemind.com for self-help, or listen to WBAI-NYC Armond Dimile's show, you can call in the radio show on some days, or listen to archived shows online. For free resources, check out dept of health websites in your area or search issue on info.gov. <br /><br />If you need to talk, call prayer hotlines. Keep reaching out to any 800 number you can find if you need to talk to someone, there are many. Sometimes family/friends can refer you to their work's Employee Assistance Program (EAP) for free sessions over phone. <br /><br />What works for me: For flashbacks, play Tetris, or watch youtube videos of metronomes, listen to classical music. Watch double rainbow vid. For depression, eat 1 oz. chocolate, drink coffee. For anxiety, cammomile tea or St. John's wort tea. Vids of puppies and kittens playing. Therapy focused on attachment theory (Bowlby) - rebuilding trust and positive attachment relationship starting w/ a qualified therapist helps.<br /><br />If religious, sometimes the only one you can really trust is the One that created you, talk to Him when you need a friend. <br /><br />God Bless Everyone.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18842224.post-31728043908260967992011-10-03T18:44:25.898-07:002011-10-03T18:44:25.898-07:00Hi Nandervane,
I'm not a professional, and I ...Hi Nandervane, <br />I'm not a professional, and I do this in my spare time, which is limited, so I cannot get to the comments every day or provide any specific help. I hope you are able to find the help you need. Some of the resources here, like how to deal with flashbacks and how to pick a therapist might help out a little, but I am not equipped, mentally or professionally to take on the responsibility you are asking me to. Please, if you are in danger, call a helpline. There are a list of them at Sidran.org, and they can also help you find appropriate treatment if that is what you need rather than crisis support.GettingBetterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13051926931303055938noreply@blogger.com