Hi,
I'm still really busy with work and it is still crazy, but I've kind of made my peace with it for now and have gotten back to my regular work, which I like, and am just trying to stay out of the s***storm (see "Still here, still have ptsd"). The Grateful Dead had a song with an appropriate line about getting through such things: "aint no luck/I learned to duck." And no, I don't think I could be considered a deadhead. At least not lately. But sometimes when I am in the right mood I can listen to some of their stuff and enjoy. I used to like them a lot more.
So my ptsd on a good day is pretty mild. I feel a little off from the meds I take (still slowly lowering the doses on them) but that is normal. My hands are not very steady. That is from both the ptsd and the meds I think. But I am in the present. I am not obsessed with the traumatic past. I'm in my body and able to function. That is pretty amazing considering how awful the symptoms used to be.
I guess I should be grateful for all this, and to some extent I am. But I am not grateful for the traumatic events that led to the destruction of a good chunk of my life. I don't get all yippy-skippy with joy when things are going well. I've seen the bottom of that drop out in an instant and always remain a little detached and skeptical. I guess that will never go away. Maybe its normal, a reality check. When the ptsd was bad, I'd get terrible lows. But I am not after equally ecstatic highs. I'd rather go along kinda steady and ok. That is good enough for me and more than I would have expected if you had asked me a couple of years ago.
