Saturday, November 26, 2005

crawling out of my own skin

PTSD sucks some days. The last few days fell into that category. At least its not constant like it used to be. Two days ago was crawling out of my own skin day. I just walked around with this ripping burning nauseous feeling centering on my solar plexus like I wanted to puke my guts literally out...just get whatever it was out of my body. It makes me kind of understand bulimia, which I never fortunately had. My partner gave me a massage which helped a little, but it didn't go away until I went to sleep. I suspect it had something to do with stuff brought up in therapy that day.

Then the next day I was revisited by another of the joys of ptsd, intrusive thinking. Any moment of down time, thoughts of my abuser would come flooding in and I would try to make sense of the senseless, over and over. This lasted until I went to sleep, maybe longer, as I tossed and turned a lot and had nightmares. All in all it kind of sucks. My partner thinks it might be because of the onset of the holidays, which is a tough time for me. Anyway, at least now it is not constant. Before the intrusive thinking and the ripping feeling, along with a lump in my throat were my ennervating constant reality.

3 comments:

  1. Hi ptsd guy,
    Your partner could be right the holidays are horrible for many with ptsd! I seen your title and it reminded me of when I was assaulted and wanted to crawl out of my skin. The triggers are many, hang in and I hope your week will be better! Take care Holly

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  2. Hello ptsd guy, commiserations and well done for setting up this blog which has clearly reached loads of people who all offer help in some way.
    I'm also a sufferer, but refuse to give it capital letters or let it define me in any way. I am a human being a woman a mother etc before I am a ptsd.
    I tell everyone I meet that I have got it. I'm out and proud, even though it makes me wet the bed haha.
    I have started a small group in my neck of the woods for female social workers injured on the job, and it is wonderful to know we are not alone.
    Keep your head up ptsd guy, it gets better. I'm 7 years down the road, and getting stonger by the day.
    I found it helpful to pretend that I was a small child, and needed comfort in the same ways.
    I have heard that the trauma experience makes us gasp, and there are no words to describe a gasp. So any way you can express the pain is better than none.
    Art therapy was a saviour for me, because it is not about art but expressing the unexpressable pain through the medium of paint. You don't have to be an artist.
    May work for some others, so worth a mention.
    I wish everyone a peaceful day.

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  3. AnonymousMay 23, 2008

    I'm 8 months in to my own battle with ptsd and I need to know something... How long does it take to start feeling again??? What I mean is, I don't feel any love or joy, no real sense of happiness. For the most part I just walk around not feeling anything. I hate it. Before all this bullshit I was a very happy go lucky guy and now everything is forced. Also if anyone has taken Zopiclone to help them sleep did you also find that it helped to stop the nightmares at first and over time not so much??? I started taking Zopiclone in Oct07 and The nightmares stopped. A typical dose is 7.5mg and for the most part it knocks you on your ass. Like anything though, after a while your body builds up a tolerance and I found myself taking two pills insted of one. Eventually I graduated to two pills and I would wash them down with a bottle of red wine. After a while nothing seems to stop the "Bad Dreams".

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